Ruling With a Sequined Fist

“Oh fuck.  The Internet is here.”
—said when Anonymous arrives

  Bohemian Geeks probably play strategy board games (The Settlers of Catan, etc.), like geeky media for its camp value, have tattoos, fuck other guys, live in co-ops, are Eagle Scouts, look like they make $10 an hour even though they are highly paid software engineers, and probably have at least one piece of 8-bit inspired art around their house.  They tend to be kinky, well read, and really, really nerdy.  They often have work dates where two geeks sit in a coffee shop and code facing one another on separate top-of-the-line computers covered in stickers promoting a variety of liberal causes and weird geekmanship.  Dig in deep enough and you will find the geeky bears—a special subset of bohemian geeks.  As geeky men often have sedentary office employment, many become a bit—ahem—rotund, grow beards, and take on the appearance of bears.  However, this is not always the case.  Geeks are the only other subset of queers—aside from bears—who find fat, hairy, bearded men acceptable.

  Geeks follow a separate set of social codes than normal faggots.  The main noticeable difference is that geeks accept hugely bizarre character eccentricities.  Remember, while you might have been the popular party animal in high school that blew the football team in dark rooms, these kids hung out with the freaks.  Hanging out with the freaks has its pluses and minuses, but one of the important differences is this: everyone, no matter how strange, is allowed to be your buddy. 

  Due to the underdeveloped social skills of the group (in their youth) and lack of conventional social mores, they probably slept with the out gay one.  Every geeky group has at least one slutty gay kid because, hey, who else sleeps with geeky boys in high school?  Trade all around!  Remember that kid with Aspergers who would say gross things at the most inopportune moments?  Oh yeah, he was friends with the gay geeks.  Those kids who played Magic: The Gathering at lunch?  Gay.  What about the ones who played live action role playing games? Gay.

  Another peculiarity of gay geeks is their “taste” in fashion.  If you can get by with a hot boy who loves programming t-shirts and only showers once every few days—you’re in luck!  For those who think the late 1990’s popularity surge of baggy clothing is a thing of the past, then meet a few geeks.  While hipsters parade around in the vilest high fashions of some given time period, geeks wear the most common clothing from ten years later.  Hawaiian shirts!  Baggy pants!  Silly Hats!  Carry a few ten-sided dice in your pocket, learn the rules to Settlers of Catan, and grow a beard and you’re in!  Not all gay geeks are bad dressers, though—someone has to be the best dressed at the LAN party.

  Remember, however, that strange and nerdy as many of their habits may be, there are numerous benefits to hanging out with the boys who make geekery look cool.  For one, their fashionable decorating style—steampunk—mixes Victorian decorating sensibilities with technology, making streamlined and boring machinery look positively gorgeous.  Fashion aside, one of the critical points of the geek social code is loyalty.  Until someone points a gun in a typical young geek’s face he will not change his friends (or his shirts).  Geeks are more married to their good friends than any other group of people (except possibly beamos).  They’re also more than willing to come over and help set up the wireless router—the modern porn plot-line equivalent of the plumber and the housewife.  “Oh sorry, I put the router under the table.  Mmm-hmm…down there.”