Ruling With a Sequined Fist

Being a drag queen is a lovely job and certainly profitable if done correctly—just look at RuPaul.  The rules required for succeeding at drag are so complex and specific that they require their own manual—one that covers makeup, hair, fashion, bitchiness, and the theatre of femininity. But the basics are as follows.

Doing your makeup isn’t all that difficult. Just practice practice practice! Watch a few hours of Youtube videos for a sense of the process, choose coordinated colors, and start painting! In all likelihood, your initial performances will be far enough away that audience members will be unable to tell your blends are off.

In Baltimore they have a saying: the higher the hair the closer to God. Adopt this idea for yourself. You need at least two wigs to get the proper height, if not more.

When you first start working as a drag queen you will probably just lip sync for tips. Meet people and network around parties and you will develop a name for yourself. After you gain notoriety and respect around town—and you will because you are too awesome not to—you may get hired as a promoter or guest for a variety of events once your “draw” is large enough. Then you get money just for showing up.

Notorious drag queens have parlayed their draw into a variety of ways to sing for their supper. RuPaul spawned a huge recording career and numerous television shows starting as a New York club kid. Jackie Beat formed the band Dirty Sanchez and regularly does cabaret. The members of the now-defunct San Francisco group Tranny Shack used fake blood and glitter to deliver absurdly shocking stage shows. Drag maestro Peaches Christ, a Tranny Shack alum, runs midnight movies in the summer and her first film debuted in 2010. Drag is not just clowning—it is an actual career path.

All else being equal, there is one piece of advice above all others that will make life easier: “Eyebrows are sisters not twins.” When bemoaning your makeup and feeling that there is no way to leave the house without washing off and re-applying your whole face, repeat that phrase to yourself.