Ruling With a Sequined Fist

nuditynotprudity-deactivated201 asked: Just curious why you tag your posts with LGBT. Do you think that anyone who labels themselves with L, B, or T would relate to the vain and shallow (albeit arguably stylish) stereotype on display here? Sorry to offend. I just wonder if you really think you are appealing to some wide audience with this narrow-minded "faggotry" (your words). Sincerely, Greg

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ah, no offense taken. The stereotype is drawn out on purpose. I’m attempting to fully catalog these nearly-defunct gay stereotypes to form a gay “handbook.” In the same way The Preppy Handbook or The Butch Manual lampooned their respective targets by laying out the strangeness of their subcultural rule system.

I love being gay, but I find gay society to be perfectly strange. I wasn’t sure exactly how strange, but wanted to find out, so I embarked on a project to lay out the “pure” rules of how to succeed at being a gay man.

Although I don’t expect the LBT-ers to directly “relate” by any means—I would hope that they are intrigued and ask themselves “what rules govern interactions with my tribe?” “Are these healthy, sustainable rules?”

As in most cases of listing rules and instructions, they only become interesting to read when magnified. By holding a mirror to myself and my tribe I hope to make us all think about what it means to be gay in the 21st century when our life is decriminalized and our civil rights draw nearer. I occasionally meet people who refer to themselves as “the gayest man ever” or, more simply, “sooooooo gay.” When this happens, I think “what does that even mean?” Now I’m trying to respond to that statement and to look at the most boiled-down version of gayness possible before it starts to vanish.

As we become increasingly accepted in society it’s possible to avoid gay society entirely—young, lithe, able-bodied lads are…hanging out with their straight friends and going to straight bars, straight clubs, etc. While that is 100% awesome it makes me wonder what will become of the society in all its curious glory that previous generations rioted and risked jail time, ruined careers, and even death over. Maybe there are important lessons to be found in looking at the stereotype—in all its dark corners—to find out about ourselves and how we interact with one another.

I’ve written previously about the gay agenda and I’m not kidding—it is real. But there’s a major problem with the gay agenda: it seeks to fully normalize gays and sweep all the drag queens and leather daddies and other totems of our society under the rug and say “oh, we all want to live in the suburbs and adopt 2.5 kids.” We must remember, honor, and maybe even laugh at our tribe’s margins instead of rallying for marriage and normalization 24/7. Don’t get me wrong: I’m glad there are people to do it, but I have a different goal.

In response to your claim of the gay stereotype being “vain and shallow”: remember that men are not (normally) objectified by society. Being gay places you in a special group of men who objectify one another. Have you ever had your ass grabbed at a bar? Or been cruised by strangers on the street? If it happened frequently over the course of a day you may have made a note about what you did differently that day (hair, clothes, posture, projected mood, etc.) and tried to repeat it later or never do it again. Either way, part of being gay is dealing with objectification in a society that does not teach its men how to cope with being objectified. It happens. It shouldn’t be aimed for as the be-all-end-all of your day, but until you get over fears of sporadic shallowness and just wear that nice outfit and, more importantly, figure out how to put together a nice outfit, you may struggle with deeper goals and missions that require social finesse.

Isn’t it lovely that we developed an entire society based around glamour and projected success? I think so. Even if you want to engage in very serious quests, it helps to look good and know how to charm people. And all the rules to succeed at this are contained in gay society.

That is why I tag my posts LGBT. So the other letters can mine for gold in their understanding of our tribe even though their experience is different. 

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