September 2009
18 posts
3 tags
“But wouldn’t it be lovely if we could reclaim our lost community, our arts...”
– Eric Michaels, Unbecoming: an AIDS Diary
1 tag
“One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art.”
– Oscar Wilde
“The experiences of Camp are based on the great discovery that the sensibility of...”
– Susan Sontag, ‘Notes on Camp.’
“Never say Goodbye, say ‘Ciao!’”
– Liberace
1 tag
How do I make gay friends?
Q: I told some people. I did. I came right out and told them…but I feel like the only gay person on Earth. I’ve seen enough Bravo to know this isn’t the case. How do I make gay friends?
A: The easy answer is a gay bar. Most cities of even passable population will have one. However, going out regularly to the bars and engaging in clandestine meetings will get people talking. The first time...
I want to come out. How should I tell people?
Q: I’m officially converted. I am now gay. But I haven’t told anyone yet. Who should I tell? How should I tell them?
A: Well, now that you’re gay, I have some bad news—you are going to be coming out for the rest of your life. Every time you meet someone agreeable you are going to have to explain how you discovered your desire for dick. Indeed, one regular event when a group of gays are...
1 tag
DMX Krew—Street Boys
Here is a fun tribute...
Ok. I'm Gay. What now?
Q: Ok. You got me. I’m gay. Now what should I do?
A: By this point you should have experienced the great rush of understanding that you are, indeed, one hundred percent, grade A queer. You may have the yearning to start shouting your faggotry from the rooftops or at least to call your mother, but you’re scared. You have huge, veined, throbbing butterfly wings trapped in your cocoon that...
Did You Know There Really Was a Gay Agenda?
The principle behind [talking about gayness as loudly and often as possible] is simple: almost any behavior begins to look normal if you are exposed to enough of it at close quarters and among your acquaintances.
—Marshall K. Kirk and Erastes Pill, “The Overhauling of Straight America”
Those pushing the Gay Agenda do not have the right to impose their...
Where do the gays live?
Q: Where should I live?
A: Any way-past-its-prime neighborhood with magnificent architecture. Move in, paint the house in gaudy colors and cover it in flowers. Other gay people will pass by and say “My, what a lovely house! Honey, we should pick up the terriers and move here!” And then they will. Then they’ll tell all their fabulous gay friends about this lovely, out of...
On Fag Hags and fruit flies.
Q: Do I need a fag hag? Why would I want one? Shouldn’t I call this person a ‘fruit fly?’
A: Having a fag hag is only acceptable before the age of twenty-five or within your first year of coming out if it is past that time. Often your last girlfriend—who was probably homely anyway—will serve this function. Fag hags come in two forms: super-hot girls who often have gay...
“After [an episode of Will and Grace which harasses ‘ex-gays’] aired,...”
– Alan Sears and Craig Osten, The Homosexual Agenda
Not sure if you're gay?
Q: How can I tell if I’m gay?
A: You know you’ve always been gay. When all the little boys in the school yard were discussing their plans for all the little girls—while carefully staying across the playground and playing tetherball—you were already popular with the girls, even to the point of knowing why boys were icky while somehow staving off that judgment yourself. You knew how to...
Am I a top or a bottom?
Q: Am I a top or a bottom? How can I tell? Do I have to choose?
A: This question produces much anal anxiety. You have to choose. You can never change. In fact, this needs to be decided before even setting foot in gay society. Here’s a handy diagnostic for you: when you see a hot guy do you look at his cock or ass first? No really; think about it for a second. If you said cock,...
Getting Laid (in style)
At least, when you get old, you won’t look back on your life and say “If only I had lived!”
—A dear friend of mine named anonymous
Q: What do lesbians bring on a second date?
A: A U-Haul
Q: What do gay men bring on a second date?
A: What’s a second date?
One of the best ways to cultivate a sense of gay brilliance is to get laid. Often. By the...
“I was no longer a visitor to the zoo, but one of the animals.”
– Edmund White, The Beautiful Room Is Empty
An introduction, dear queer
Congratulations, Mary, you’re gay! Welcome to the greatest subculture in the world. Now that you were so wise as to come out, let’s clear up a few things:
1) Don’t tell your coming out story. It’s not very interesting. Everyone accepted you because when you say “I’m gay!” you really say “I’m more interesting and culturally relevant than...
